Kung Fu Fails...

Despite my lack of coordination I use to do kung fu. Yup, if someone ever came out at me I could honestly say "I know kung foo be afraid sucker". Though my skills were limited to kicking and doing the splits. I was actually very flexible I could bend easily and I liked it. I could put my feet to my head, I could do cartwheels, and I could kiss my butt, a badge that I wore proudly after my sister said that I could do no such thing (you're welcome America for showing the world kissing your own butt is possible ). I was great at the stretching although when it came to actually doing moves like kicking and punching I was horrible. I seriously might be a worse athlete than this guy..

 

He didn't even have a chance!! Anyway I once fell over when kicking air. You heard right while kicking I fell right over in front of Master Jason (the lead kung fu master my wax-on wax-off dude), and the boy that I liked, and his dad. AWKWARD!!!

 Master Jason kind of had a hobby and that was making fun of me. He actually made fun of me when my class was doing lines of punching and kicking and people were lined up in front of me and I kicked the protege boy in the butt. Master Jason got a good laugh out of that because I was right in front of him when I did it and the boy did the biggest grunt in history of grunts.

 Yet another thing was every time I exercised I start to pass gas (otherwise known as farting or cutting the cheese) and in front of everyone I would pass some big ones and everyone would stop what they were doing to look at me. Yup I'm just that good at completely defacing my own ego the world isn't even in the same league of awkward as me. What I always feel like when crap like this happens..



Oh, Heavenly Father why did you make me like this!!! WHY!!! What I want to do to awkwardness forever every time it shows up in my life (which is often)..



Pimp slap that sucker!! Oh wait my wretched kung fu "skills" won't let me. I had good help at the studio they were teaching at but my stupid body that won't let me do anything without something going awry. The outfits we were suppose to wear was a t-shirt with black pants that hung loosely around my legs and waist therefore falling occasionally, but when I grew a little older (and many bananas later) they fit quite well.

 They were comfortable and I was there stretching and talking with some friends that were as uncoordinated as I was when Master Jason said it was time to do the splits. Something I had grown accustom to, so I steadily changed position.

 Then there was a sound like a bunch of stitches ripping at once and the hole butt of my pants (which were now quite snug) ripped and everyone could see my hello-kitty underwear. I was out of there fast but everyone saw and I was humiliated though not long after they moved down town, and my parents told me that I could no longer go. Thank heavens I was saved the day they moved and now I happily sit inside without ripping my pants in front of a bunch of boys. Yay happy days!!