Does Sheep Counting Really Work?

When you're a night owl you do some pretty stupid things that you don't want anyone to know about(your family and closest acquaintances included). Like when you have a miniature dance party in your bed (which means listening to your I-pod and moving your arms around) when your sister is sleeping on the bunk above you.

 Yeah did that tonight.

 What I also did was make shadow puppets. Okay you might think that's little kids stuff, but I found it really amusing either because I'm extremely tired and can't sleep or because I feel a little bit on the loopy side. But seriously you do not want to be around me when I become one those people that when the moon comes out they just turn into a bunch of crazies, but I can't help it my lack of sleep makes me bounce off the walls instead of the opposite.

 It's strange really because when I've been really good about sleeping early and eating healthy crap I feel like I should be bed ridden forever. Seriously when I'm doing the right things (well what most people think is right for your body even though I think it's torture) I get lazier and I fall victim of staying in my bed more. Yeah but when I don't have any sleep and I'm still awake because of my body telling myself that I'm not tired I feel like I'm bursting with energy. That is until I read a really boring book and then I'm out. Though at the moment I just read a really great book with the craziest twist, so my tiny little human brain is like.
 
Mind Blown.

Yeah and when I tried to go to sleep after that I couldn't, so here I am blogging because I don't have anybody who's nerdy enough to be on Goodreads at one in the morning. I might be the geekiest girl in the world right now, but I'm not ashamed about how geeky I am so what now.

 Haters gonna hate. So that happened. But seriously my mom is always like "Why don't you ever do stuff. Why are you so lazy? Why do you insist on living in your room?" Well mom the only answer to that is simple. Just make everyone stay awake at night, so I actually have friends because let's be honest regularly I act like I'm actually what do you people say, oh yes "normal".

 But if people see me when I'm super funny and crazy (the thing that only happens at night) then I might have the things that regular people call "friends". I would be that one person that's really fun and weird, but is included to do everything because hey you aren't normal.

 Psh I wish that would happen, but I kind of already accepted my fate like I said in my other posts for dying alone, and I'm not even kidding about being buried in churros (once a fatty patty always a fatty patty). Yeah but if you flipped the day around I would be one of those people. Now I'm going to go and celebrate my loneliness with some Biggest Loser (while eating ice cream) because it makes me feel better about myself. But before I forget whoever cares I have a new favorite "hipster song". Link right here if you want to watch it.
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Take It Like a Man, Woman!!

Crying is a sign of weakness something that you don't want to do in front of your enemies something that you only resort to when you're with your closest alliances, and even when you're with them you try not to cry. Again it's a sign of weakness that puts you in the (what I might think is the lowest position) "I'm a wimp and can't handle anything" place which gives everyone (even the teachers) the right to bully you.

This is at least what I thought happened when you cried in Elementary school. Yeah it turns out it wasn't that scary when you cried if you did it for the right reasons like tripping and landing on your knee. But that's not what happened. I was scarred for life after this (okay that's a little melodramatic, but it did change my nose, so there you happy?) I was just playing four square with my "friend".

Why are you using quotation marks on the word friend Natalie? Well it's because when I say the word friend I usually mean acquaintance, but I guess I'm going to say friend because it makes me look like I actually had some in Elementary. Okay I had one, but still it's pretty pathetic. Okay so this "friend" was named Cindy and she was in the second square (even though she royally stunk at the game) and I was in three. The ball came to us by this kid name Jackson and it landed right on the line of our squares though we didn't see that before and we thought that is was in our own squares and this is how it ended up.

Right to my nose. Yeah and I fell on the ground cause numero uno it freaking hurt. I mean it felt like that girl's head was made of steal. The second reason is because I saw my nose dripping and I hate blood so I dropped. Third was because I just felt like a piece of crap. Yeah so that happened. And the kid Jackson was trying to figure out who to kick out when my nose was freaking bleeding. He was a little special to say the least (he was one of those kids who asked teachers if "in there time" they had toilets.)

 So I was bleeding and Jackson was trying to figure things out about the four square situation and there was Cindy who started arguing that it was her ball, and I was pretty darn close to screaming "what the freak people I'm bleeding and all you can do is think about the stupid game". But I didn't I just sat there in pain and in shock. Finally when I got over what was happening I started crying and I got taken to the nurse (who earlier in the year said that I was delusional) who told me the obvious. "Your nose is bleeding go get some ice." That's seriously what she said to me.

Well no freaking way lady I just thought that my boogers had turned into fruit punch, and was streaming down my face.

Yeah so that happened. And she never even gave me some candy that witch.

"Sleeping Around"

 If you see this title you might think of what it actually means, and well I'll just say that I don't because I'm a little girl and shouldn't know about that kind of stuff. But what it really means is the many places my family decides to sleep. My dad might be the ultimate sleeper though sometimes he snores and that ruins the affect, but when he's in the middle of church he closes his eyes and starts to drift off. Though every time he does this his head usually bobs up and down, so it looks like he's agreeing to what the person  teaching the lesson is saying. Yup genius. Though when I sleep anywhere my sister's make sure to take a picture and then show it to my grandparents.

 Okay my little sister (the one who scares the crap out of me when she talks in her sleep) use to sleep in our laundry baskets. She would just lay down and doze off like sleeping in the basket was more comfortable than her bed. Yeah lets just say that is was a rude awakening when my mom picked it up to go and do laundry and because my sister was under all of the blankets my mom didn't know why it was extra heavy only to put it down and see my little sister curled up and having Chinese eyes. Yeah so that happened. Third on this list of sleeping is my little brother who always falls asleep in the truck, so when we finally make it to the place we were suppose to go to we (sometimes we usually wake him up now) leave him in there and then we have to go back to the truck and drag him out.

 Okay now for my last story it's about a magician. Okay well he thinks he is and he's going to magic school. Yeah magic school instead of college. It's my brother's friend Brennan. Yeah he's a bit of a derp. Just kidding saying that he's only a bit is quite an understatement because he thinks that a reality TV show will pick him up, so he can buy an island so he can run a game show. Yeah he's really delusional. But yeah that's Brennan for you. Well he told my brother this story one that probably got in the middle of being dramatized, but let's hear it. So he asked his parents if he could camp out in his front yard and they told him that it was fine, so he took his sleeping bag and went outside. Yeah he's that weird that he likes to camp out in his front yard.

While Brennan was away in dream land one of the parent's friends passed by their house and called and told them that a homeless man was in the front of their house. Well the parents got pretty darn worried and the friend offered to call the police, but the mom of the house said that she would go and see who it was. Well she goes outside and Brennan that derp is sleeping and she get's confused because it was the dad who told him that he could. She starts waking him up and tells him everything. While that story causes for a good laugh I think it just shows how weird that kid is. I'm not a hater and I know I'm pretty darn messed up, but this kid passes me up for everything. One of them being delusional and that's pretty darn hard. Yup so that's it except you know that it's not a blog post without a gif, so here's one of my favorite's that I found again being very productive. Don't be hatin'.

Bull Honkey Is Back....

 I have a bad temper believe it or not. I know guys that you want to think of me as a perfect angel because heaven knows that I'm so nice and that I love people and puppies and loving those things makes me the best person alive. I'm just being sarcastic no worries, but seriously I have a problem and isn't the first step to fixing a problem is recognizing that you have one? I think so.

 Anyway so when I was little I had the worse temper ever I would throw myself on the grocery store floors and we always would go to Krogers so everyone in the store would know my name because my mom would always scream at me. It was well deserved needless to say because I was seriously very bratty, and I still am it's just that I'm better at hiding it in public. I always stomped around when I was mad, so to make me one hundred percent more infuriated my family decides to make up a name for me bull honky and they start surrounding me and hugging me something that really pissed me off.

 Yeah lets just say that I was an angry little kid.

So once when I was having bull honky syndrome I sat in the middle of the store sulking about having to go to the doctor's office the next day because I'm seriously really afraid of needles and my blood being sucked out of me (seriously I almost passed out last time I had my blood drawn), so when my mom broke the news that I was going I threw a fit

. I sat in the middle of the grocery store and refused to go with my mom. I started screaming and crying when a hippy woman walked over to me and said "dude stop screaming you're harshing my mellow". After she said that I started laughing so much I got over how mad I was (needless to say I was and still am a psychopath). My mom was still there and she started laughing too and well I got over my little hissy fit. Yeah I was a bad little kid, but that day I got away with it without having a huge spanking, so that's good.

 Also with the subject of being a bad kid I was also a really bad liar. When I say bad I just mean that I did it a lot because I wasn't bad I was and still am really good at lying. It's a blessing and a curse what can I say. But one day my mom and I went to the YMCA and I decided to make up a little story and tell all of the moms.

 My mom went to go and check on my sister who was in gymnastics class and I was sitting by the rest of the girl's moms, so I started to talk to them. Then I started to talk about the day before. Okay the day before my siblings kept going in and out of the house and my mom started yelling at us for wasting the air conditioning, so she told us if we were going outside to go then and take all the things we wanted because she was going to lock the door.

We all went outside and my older brother the genius that he is decided that we should try and eat grass. Well we did and it wasn't very good especially because my dog probably crapped or peed or did both on it, so I spat it out. What I told the ladies though was that my mom locked us outside and that we all had to eat grass because we were so hungry.

 Well when my mom came back she got a lot of odd stares from the other moms and well I got a talk that afternoon. Yeah I feel bad for my mom for having such a horrible kid like me and I'm kind of grateful for her for always being there for me despite my many temper tantrums and my lies.

Yeah so thanks mom. You know what I should have written this on mother's day and I was going to, but then I was doing other productive things (like Pinterest and eating. Sorry mom), so I couldn't. So happy really late mother's day mom!!

"Whoa, What are you Doing in There?"

I've had a lot of experiences with my dear friend the toilet. Actually we're really close I spend hours with that thing and we've had a lot of good times. But there's also the bad times. Bum, bum, bum.



You're right Doctor Who but get a shirt on dude you might poke someone's eye out. Refrence from Sinbad cause I'm so cool.

 Anyway back to the point one summer I was using the bathroom and I locked the door like I usually do because hey I like people coming in and watching me crap more than the next guy, but I don't want my family to see me piss so I keep it locked yo like a freaking gangster.

But anyway I lock it and go inside and when I'm done I wash my hands (happy birthday three times kids take notes) and I go and open the door and it won't budge. It's safe to say that it was about an hour before anyone actually did something because they were probably rolling on the floor mocking my misfortune.

After my dad started taking apart the door handle and well he never relapsed it which meant we had a giant hole in our door which meant people could see you crapping and well it wasn't the best, but when my sister put and air freshener can in the door we all agreed that it was a good idea. Then we could spray without having to be in that stinky bathroom and for a while it was pretty awesome (with the exception of it always falling out when you were using the bathroom).

 But when the missionaries decided that it was a great idea to start coming to our house every freaking day like a pit stop things started to become well very crappy. One of the missionaries that came was very rude and then he asked us if he could use our bathroom. Well we lead him to the crap hole that was our bathroom completed with a picture of my sister on the toilet pointing to the world map we had as a shower curtain (don't worry she was had pants on.)

Anyway he went in and it was safe to say that he was really stinking it up in there and he took heck of a long time which gave my family and idea and when my family has an idea it's usually to harrass people and well that's exactly what we did to the poor unsuspecting missionary. When he was still using the restroom we took the air freshener can and started spraying saying how stinky it was and after he came out of the bathroom we all held our noses and said "what were you doing in there.

Yeah they never really came back to our house after that and we moved, so now we don't have to have and air freshener can in our door so that's good. But when that missionary left his face was saying that we were crazy and hey we gave him a good story to take back home so you're welcome.

Summer, Yay!

Summer's is a month or so away if you didn't know (which I know you did because you are probably more excited to get out of school than me because I don't want to leave my house). So to make some of you excited for the summer I decided to have some antic dotes which includes babies (naked and alone holding a knife) and a bunch of fun summer activities (which include me actually becoming tan because of my dad making me go outside and not stay inside on the computer, thanks dad!)

So here it goes. One summer we were just driving to our neighborhood pool (even though it was around the corner, but hey we're lazy) when we saw something in the middle of the street, so my mom stopped and we all had to pile out to find out what it was. Well it was a little white baby in the middle of the street holding a butcher's knife and it was really weird. Well a couple minutes later we found the alleged mom who had left the baby in the middle of the street with a freaking knife and she didn't speak English (at least she said she didn't) and our family doesn't speak no Mexican, so that was the last time we saw them. Again really weird, but I must say not as weird as this.

Dang that's creepy. Anyway another summer time it was freaking hot like it usually is in Texas, so we decided to go to the pool which is what all Texans do to cool off, so I got on my swim suit and was ready to go. We went outside where a bee saw my beautiful yellow bathing suit and decided that my tush was a perfect target to sting me (though I couldn't blame that bee my butt is the biggest part of me which is why my mom said that I'll probably marry a black man).

 Back to the main point though. I got a big red bump on my butt and couldn't go swimming and had to stand up all the time because it hurt so much to sit on my sugar lump. Just kidding my lumpy bumpy, but all in all it was a crappy experience. Something good about my summer though was our neighbor let's just call him Mr. Larry.

He was a really nice guy who always gave us treats that his daughter and his wife made and they were really good seriously amazing and his daughter went off to be a baker so that was cool. Him being there for the summer was a plus same with this kid that we'll call Anthony. Anyway Anthony went to the same class as my little brother and got assigned to be in the same seat. The boy ended up kicking my brother in the crouch on the first day.

 Yeah really a bonding experience because my brother became really good friends with this boy. The boy would come over all summer and play four square with us and he really wasn't a bad kid all though he did look like lolly poop deck. If you don't know who that (it's on flapjack my favorite cartoon network show) is I will gladly post a picture.

Yup not the most beautiful face, but he was nice so that made up for it. Yeah and every time he came my dad would ask him if he was the kid who kicked his son in the nuts. It was actually really funny you just had to be there to look at the look of shame on that boy's face and you would really crack up. Wow I'm a horrible person.

My Attempt at Ice Skating.

Today I went "ice skating" (as in I was on the floor trying to butt scooting my way to the exit). Anyway a couple of months ago was my first time going and I wasn't too bad (but I wasn't that good either) and my friend and I started holding hands, so we wouldn't fall and then we fell both of us on our faces so that's special. Last time I got bruises all up and down my legs because for whatever reason I think that it's better to have bruised legs than a bruised behind. Yeah it wasn't the greatest, but I'm proud to announce that I only fell four times and I even went to the middle because I live life on the edge (more like on the edge of my bed).

You rock those white people dance moves Dumbledore. Anyway so when we went there were these girls that were really tiny and they were doing a bunch of tricks around us and showing off while I fell and a little boy that they were with and he told my sister (pointing to my little sister and I) that we were bad at skating. Yeah apparently we were that horrible that a little kid had to point it out to us. So that happened. But not only that we were totally schooled by this old dude and he was lapping us while we hung on to the edge of the wall just scooting along. Despite my bad ice skating "skills" I think that it was quite fun, but that doesn't mean that I'll be doing it again any time soon.